do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
