dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
