something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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