we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
