Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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