This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
