omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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