I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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