you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
