Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
