happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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