her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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