I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My pussy is not your playground.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
