it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
