"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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