Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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