omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
