THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
