I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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