I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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