is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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