when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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