Can i not drive my cunt home
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
