And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
