i love accidental penises.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Boobs are out for the taking
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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