he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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