wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
