The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
