once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize