It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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