i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I want to have your abortion
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
