dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
