I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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