Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
