dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
