How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
