I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I cockslap morals
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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