There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
