There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
