Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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