Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
