im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
