I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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