hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think i got beer on your cat.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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