I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
