I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
