just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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