i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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