I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
