he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
