foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
