I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
