oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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