I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
