Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
