Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
