Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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