Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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