you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
