apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize