He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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