he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
