The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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