I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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