Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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