I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
