I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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