Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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