so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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