Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
