just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
