i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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