Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
