I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
