She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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