you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
