I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
