I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
