i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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