Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
