she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
