Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
