Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
