If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
