Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
