i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
