If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
